“Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.” -William Jennings Bryan

MFEO. Remember that from the movie Sleepless in Seattle? The little girl who’s friends with Jonah uses this term. MFEO:  Made For Each Other. It’s an acronym that’s made its way into the archives of Holl-ebonix and it comes in handy when describing the nature of relationships. It can be used in seriousness, but where’s the fun in that? Who wouldn’t rather look at someone who has the appearance of a parolee and turn to their friend uttering the words, “See…he’s totally your type. You guys are MFEO.”

Many people are against the idea of a soul mate; they think it’s unrealistic, but I completely, wholehearedly believe in the existence of soul mates. That’s right, all things considered, that probably surprises many of you; but I do. I really do adhere to the belief that there is an individual with whom you will find the greatest degree of fulfillment. I will concede that there could be degrees of soul mates, perhaps,  with the ‘one’ poised atop a pyramid of idyllic options. Maybe not the traditional definition of “soul mate,” but it could possibly be the best marriage idealism and realism regarding this hot-button issue.

I have an awesome–no super-awesome, no uber-awesome– friend who’s forayed into the bizarre world of online dating. It’s been a bit of a mixed bag with some really wonderful people whose primary purpose is meeting new and interesting people and pursuing possible relationships with them. Most of these people are normal; “normal,” of course being a relative term. And then there are the crazies. After sharing many of their profile pics with me, I reached the definite conclusion that some of these people had just resorted to using their mug shots. Sadly, that’s only mild hyperbole.  I strongly suspect a goodly number of these people are dwelling in their parents’ basements wiling away the hours immersing themselves in the fantasy worlds of Halo and Modern Warfare. But they are a definite upgrade from the ones that I’m quite sure are accessing a computer only through a prison work release program.

At any rate, I watch as, at the ripe-old age of 30 (practically on the shelf in the world of Utah), my uber-friend engages in the grueling pursuit of finding her other half; of determining if any of her prospects meet the criterion for being her soul mate. She endeavors daily to conclude whether or not any of these “suitors,” will be worthy of the term: MFEO. It is no small task, I assure you. So daily we talk, text and IM regarding the progress of her search and you know what I love? She never, ever gets discouraged. She never whines. Okay well sometimes she does, but she really makes whining not only tolerable but highly entertaining. She gives so many people a chance and is fairly slow to make snap judgments, even when the guy looks like a total flamethrower. (An accidental addition to Holl-ebonix when I tried to enter a word into a text and my arrogant phone made the presumption that I meant flamethrower. Jerky phone.)

Okay so brace yourselves for another reference to a romantic comedy. Remember in Serendipity when John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale keep just barely missing each other? Remember how they nearly bump into each other over and over and how frustrating it is to watch? Sometimes I wonder if that’s really how it is. If, for those of us who are unattached, we find ourselves constantly within a stone’s throw of our other half. If we just turned that corner at the grocery store and gravitated from the bread aisle to the condiment aisle ( I love mayo) if we wouldn’t run right into this astounding individual who promises to complete us; to fulfill us in a way that is unparalleled . I often imagine my friend–we’ll call her Sarah, because…well…that’s her name–winding up with some incredibly fascinating, world-traveler with a litany of exciting stories–tales of heroism and aventure like James Bond. Either Roger Moore or Sean Connery (hubba hubba) not those girly men who portray him now. I imagine this man with a strong jaw and a cleft chin (subtle, not some facial faultline.) He has piercing eyes and just the right amount of stubble. His hair is thick and waves a little like Clark Kent and it has the consistency of something ripped right out of Pantene commercial. And his hands….wow. When he smiles women swoon, but he only has eyes for Sarah (darn.)

Sure he has character, but who wants to read as I chronicle an inventory of those traits? Boring. And as I observe Sarah’s admirable efforts to procure this kindred soul, I am so impressed with her attitude in the face of what can very often be a phenomenally discouraging process. She plows ahead with nose to the proverbial grindstone and proceeds with an admirable amount of faith in the existence of this wonderful man who might possibly make himself somehow deserving of her love. While her requirements and expectations evolve as she does, she never compromises regarding the attributes most imperative to her, despite others’ attempts to lure her to the dark side of settling. I really love and admire that about her. I’ve never much been one to settle for things that I feel convinced will fail to make me happy, but dating can be intensely frustrating. It can be energy depleting and demoralizing, but she soldiers on. We love her for that.

So what can we learn from Sarah’s experience in this realm? There are the obvious points: persistence, patience, and confidence. But mostly, I think the relevance lies in her refusal to settle for anything less than a wonderful man to compliment her wonderful Sarah-ness.  I think in a world where so many people feel compelled to settle, it’s refreshing to see these instances of people around us who adhere to different, higher standard. I like it–a lot. Because the only person who has more exacting standards for Sarah’s future husband is me, and I’m a lot stronger than I look…:)



“It’s a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the very best, you very often get it.” -Somerset Maugham